If Only
by Kosmic Kitty
Summary: He loved her. She loved him back, right? Wasn't that why she went out with him? So why was she giving up now? Love was supposed to be unstoppable... SatoshiRisa oneshot, for Everwhite's fanfiction contest


Hi, I'm Kosmic Kitty. This is my entry for the SatoshiXRisa fanfiction contest.

Well, onto the story!

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If Only

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Risa picked up a pale pink sequined dress from a clothes rack by the hanger. "Satoshi, what about this one?"

Satoshi put his hand on her shoulder and murmured, "I'm sure you'd look beautiful in it."

Grinning, Risa picked out another one, which was blue with ribbons. "And this one? Is it better?" Without waiting for an answer she looked back at the pink dress. "Er… I can't decide!"

In Satoshi's opinion, shopping was possibly the worst sport to be invented. He couldn't understand why Risa took so long to choose a few clothes for herself. Couldn't she just take the garments that stood out to her? He never thought much about clothes; all his were pretty much the same. Even the ones he wore now – a white shirt and dark trousers – had a few copies in his closet.

And then there was the fact that he hated visiting women's clothes shops altogether. The girls who were shopping all stared at him or glared at Risa, and although he was used to the attention on him he hated Risa getting such cruel looks. He told her once that girls despised her, but she had firmly said that she didn't care. He frowned as the seconds ticked slowly by…

"Satoshi, I need your help!" Risa held the pink dress to her body and then after a pause held up the blue one. "Which one is better?"

"Risa… I like the dress you're wearing now," Satoshi replied, deliberately avoiding her question. It wasn't as if he was lying; the sunshine coloured dress she wore at that moment was very pretty. And why couldn't she just get both? "We need to hurry."

"I know, I know," Risa told him, but made no effort to. How ironic; she was the one who had booked tickets for the movie they were going to watch. Satoshi had picked her up a little early but that didn't mean she could spend the time in a clothes shop. In a couple of minutes it would be 7:00 – the time the movie started. "The dresses may already be bought by the time I come back. If only I could choose…"

So Satoshi, the gentleman he was, waited patiently for Risa to make up her mind. She took some time looking at the dresses from different angles before she finally spoke. "Satoshi, I… I think I need to try them on."

Satoshi stared in astonishment at her for a good minute as she turned and walked towards the changing rooms. Then he strode forward and grabbed her arm. "Risa that would take too much time and time is what we don't have!"

"But how else will I be able to choose?" Risa argued back.

"Just choose one now."

"I can't!"

Satoshi folded his arms. "We can't miss the film, Risa. You booked it yourself. You'll have to leave them behind."

"No…" Thinking about the two wonderful dresses being sold to two not so wonderful people and not to her brought tears to Risa's eyes. She shouted at him passionately. "Why don't you understand, Satoshi? I just _can't_!"

Bursting into tears, she threw the two dresses at him and ran out the shop. Satoshi watched her in shock until she reached the door, and only then did he run after her shouting her name.

"Risa! Risa!"

He ran and ran, ignoring girls and their mothers' shouts of disapproval and dashing through the double doors. The dresses lay discarded on the floor; nothing mattered at that moment but Risa.

The particular clothes shop they, or rather Risa, had been shopping in was situated on the high road; this meant the wide pavements were very busy. When Satoshi left the shop he walked immediately into a huge crowd of very busy shoppers. He searched quickly for Risa and, after catching a glimpse of her yellow dress, started running and trying his best to catch up.

Risa wasn't much of a runner and he had had lots of practise running after Dark so he should have reached her easily, but there were so many people that it was harder than it seemed. He shouted again.

"Risa, come back! _Risa_!"

She heard him. She definitely heard him. That was why she turned her head to see, why she ran faster, why at the crossing she ran straight out onto the road before the traffic lights had a chance to turn red. Why he couldn't make it in time.

Why he heard her scream.

As soon as it left her mouth Satoshi's world seemed to pass in slow motion. The tall buildings were just big shapes, the cars and people a blur. The road she had run out onto was directly in front of him; when he reached it he could only stop and stare.

The car had stopped, the driver climbing out and saying his excuses and reasons so fast that Satoshi couldn't understand them. Similarly, other drivers were leaving their cars to find out why the traffic had stopped. A few pedestrians were running away, seeking help, while others had left the safety of the pavement to have a look. By the time Satoshi had arrived they had gathered in a crowd in the centre of the road.

Satoshi ran forward. He pushed through the crowd, shouting and barking at whoever opposed him. He had to see her… he had to see if she was alright. She _had_ to be alright!

He reached the front. Risa was curled up on the floor, her face hidden by her once shining brown hair. Her dress was creased and covered in smudges of dirt; the colour ruined. She looked so lifeless… Satoshi fell to his knees. A man put his hand down to pull back her hair, but Satoshi hit it away and snapped at him. "Leave her alone!"

He lifted her body and cradled her head in his arms. Her eyes were shut tight and her lips slightly apart to help her breathe. But she didn't seem to be breathing…

"No…" Satoshi whispered. She couldn't be dead. She couldn't be! He bent his head so his tears fell on her face. He couldn't stop thinking about her, about her bright eyes, her brilliant smile, her name.

Her name, Risa. Risa…

"_RISA_!"

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Satoshi turned the door handle and stepped into Risa's room. It was still painted pink and covered in white and yellow patterns, but he hardly noticed them. They weren't as warm was they once were. His attention was on the girl on the white sheets of the queen-sized bed.

He walked over and sat down in the nearby chair. Risa looked thin in her white nightdress, thin and unwell. She still hadn't opened her eyes, but if you put your hand directly over her heart you could feel a small pulse. She had been like this for over a day. Of course he was happy she was alive, but why wouldn't she wake up? Why wouldn't she return to him?

"Risa," he whispered. "Riku let me come in to see you, in the end. I had to go back to that store - the one we fought in. I paid for those dresses that you wanted but couldn't choose between; I have them here." He put a sparkly silver bag on her bedside table. "I'm so sorry Risa. I really am so sorry." After a pause he added, "You must be so tired of hearing me say that but I can't tell you how sorry I am. It's impossible. So… please forgive me…"

Satoshi couldn't remember the last time he had felt this way. He was sorry, but he was also filled with regret. How he wanted to turn back the clock and go through that day again, this time not making the same mistakes. He wanted to say it was alright, that they could miss the movie, that one of the dresses was better than the other.

If only she hadn't run away. If only they hadn't argued. If only he could save her with everything he had left. If only… if only…

He reached out for her hand, which lay on top of the duvet, and gave it a squeeze. "Please come back, Risa…" he said sadly. "I… I miss you so much. I can't live without you. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me." He lifted her hand and held it with both of his, then lifted it to his face. "I love you, Risa."

Tears slid down his cheeks. Why was love so cruel? The one person he had ever wanted to spend his entire life with was slowly slipping away. "Don't give up, Risa. You mustn't lose hope. Riku…" Satoshi swallowed and closed his eyes as the teardrops fell. "Riku told me you had a weak heart. Why didn't you tell me? I could have protected you. I could have helped. I _would_ have helped. Because I love you Risa. I love you so much…" He leaned his head against his clasped hands.

"… I… didn't want… to worry you…" Satoshi looked up at her in surprise. Risa had her chocolate brown eyes half open and was watching him. A smile danced on her lips. "If you knew, you wouldn't treat me the same. You'd always be so overprotective and full of… worry."

Satoshi gazed at her. Risa was alright! She'd pulled through! He couldn't be happier – his smile threatened to split his face. And while he gazed at her, Risa's eyes filled with tears. "What's wrong, Risa?" he asked in alarm.

Risa smiled. Her smile was beautiful, like dew on a summer morning. "I didn't want you to worry," she said. "But you worried anyway. Your eyes…" The tears were spilling from her eyes. "When you cry, they're like frost, glittering in the winter sun… oh Satoshi, me too… I love you too!"

She tried to push herself up, but Satoshi took both her hands and pulled her into his arms. They hugged each other, gripping tighter and tighter, both so happy they good burst into song. They smiled and laughed and cried, enjoying each others company, their love strong.

They argued playfully over who loved the other the best, and then, when Risa looked up and gazed into Satoshi's eyes and causing Satoshi to look into hers, they kissed. It wasn't like when they kissed before, like in the park or in the cinema. This was different, new, exciting. They never wanted to let go.

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Satoshi still hadn't left Risa's room. Riku climbed the stairs, glancing at her watch. It had been three hours now. Were they alright? Had something terrible happened? She walked down the hall that led to Risa's bedroom and at the end she peeked around Risa's door.

Satoshi was sitting on Risa's bed, leaning against pillows and the back of the bed, fast asleep. His arm was around Risa's shoulders. Risa was also asleep, but she was under the duvet, unlike Satoshi, and was leaning comfortably against him.

Both of them were smiling.

Riku, a smile creeping onto her own face, closed the door and left them in peace.

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The End

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That's the end! I hope you enjoyed it. It was fun to write!

I'm very proud of the title (for once). It's half based on a poem in the book/film Holes by Louis Sachar. The first and last words in it are "if only, if only". I love it! It also fits well with the story.

A note on the spelling:  
As I live in Britain, the spelling of the words, although English, will be British English and not American English. Just so that your careful when (or if) you spell-check it.

Until next time

-Kosmic Kitty


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